Birthday parties...they're not just for the kids

Calvin's last birthday bash was when he turned 1. I think at that point, our family was just so relieved to have a surviving child who was well that we were all holding our collective breath throughout the following year - watching Calvin for signs of lethargy, bruising or bleeding. These are symptoms of leukemia, but in reality - they're also all part of having a little, growing boy.

This year, Calvin turned 4. His birthday party was a celebration of many things. I've already mentioned in a previous post that his reaching 4 without a cancer diagnosis is statistically significant. That can't be overlooked, for sure. But we also celebrated a kid, who developmentally has made leaps & bounds this past year. His words were late to be spoken, but he's at no loss for them now. He's a potty professional without any accidents. Which completely baffles me. I can only explain that he is a bit stubborn like me. He didn't want to try the potty thing until he was sure he had it all figured out. Same seems to be the same with socializing. He still battles shyness, but when he's confident with something or familiar with someone, he can play & participate now. Not so much at the beginning of the year when he was so painfully shy. Everyone enjoyed watching him interact with kids at his party. Here he is making the best of MiMi's special Glycerin bubbles at his party. (Thank you Christine for the photo...my brother's photos WILL be pried from his perfectionist grasp so we can all have some more great shots of our kids from Saturday).

Our family has much to celebrate all together too. We celebrate 1 year in our home. We've progressed from sleeping in the living room, all together like we grew so accustomed to doing while living at CHOP. Of course, tonight, Calvin wants to sleep downstairs on the couch. Little stinker. He has slept in his own room a few times, but we're both happy to share my room as our own. My dad makes fun of me for my bed filling my entire bedroom, but sharing a bigger bed is worth the lack of extra space. How do kids' elbows & feet have such sharp points?

We've grown, socially, by branching out our circle of friends & participating more. I know I spend a lot of time feeling like the touch of death. It takes a lot of courage to expose our hearts. Any gathering can be emotional. We see healthy families, sibling groups, parents calling their children by our missing kiddos' names, expecting parents & THE WORST-the seemingly ungrateful or less than warm parents. My stomach twists almost every moment of the day when I'm not within the walls of our house. There are reminders everywhere of what could have been, what we're missing & what we have to fight through just to get out of bed each day.

What we've lost DOES make us more grateful for each moment. We live a life with much different priorities & perceptions than others. We overlook details as we're caught up in controlling emotions & redirecting sadness into determination.

Birthday parties are not just for the kids. In addition to the adult beverages (what's a birthday party without some beverages?..somehow I have 1 in my hand & put it down so many times that by the time I find it a million times, it takes me all day to finish it.) birthday parties are an excuse to PLAY! Beanbag toss, bubbles, washers, duck pond - we had a blast. Like Calvin not knowing which toy to play with first, there were so many friends & family attending that I did not get a chance to visit with everyone as much as I would hope. I can only hope that every single kid & big kid had as much fun as we did - celebrating every single connection we still have or have made in FOUR years.

Being part of our world is not for the weak. It takes guts to be part of our world. THANK YOU for being there & sticking it out for the love of Calvin. We had a wonderful day celebrating EVERYTHING.