You would think that there's nothing more intense than the scorn towards a mother who's child is "late" to potty train. Maybe it is only in my self-conscious brain, but the potty pressure built up through this past year & was seriously bothering me this summer. 100%, my son was NOT ready for using the potty. But as the summer went along, he figured it out & POOF! we potty trained with only 1 pee accident & no poop accidents. He even refuses a diaper at bed time & has not had a problem yet. I'm sure that will change & we'll have some sheets to wash eventually. I bribed him unsuccessfully many times & used some creative tricks...had I tried them months ago, they would not have worked. He wasn't ready. I knew that. No one seemed to believe me that I didn't care so much & neither should they.
Here's the thing. I am not bragging about the smooth potty training for Cal. We had a full year of asking him to use the potty & he was convinced "me fall in". Dude! You're not going to fall in, but if that's bothering you - fine. We'll wait. As a mom or caregiver who loves a child unconditionally, you know if & when a kid is ready to try new things. I knew Cal wasn't ready. Why then, is that not enough for the rest of the world when potty talk comes up? My gut intuition has been given the upper hand in much more stressful situations. This is where I throw my hands up. I just don't get the Mommy Wars.
Cal is a beautiful kid. He also has a back story that is heart-breaking. He never got to meet a big sister who surely, even though she's gone, will still leave that mark of a big sister that a kid just can't seem to feel he can live up to. (She was somewhere between 7 months & a year when I hurried her to the potty to poop because I could see it coming - see - she beat you to pooping on the potty, Cal! Pbth!) She was amazing. Cal is just as awesome. Then, there's the fact that his identical twin died from complications of cancer at 7 months. Challenge us that potty training by a particular time is a measure of anything. It surely is NOT!
Yes. It is a developmental milestone. And in that & the many more reasons that potty trained children are AWESOME (I'm not downplaying this life - No buying diapers, no stinky kid dragging poop fumes all over the house, less trash, less to bring with, less worry...it ROCKS), I am so happy for Calvin. My cup overflows with pride for that bugger almost everyday. As moms, as friends, as family, as good people - let's stop the potty pressure. Who really wants to talk about someone else's kid going to the bathroom anyway? Talk about something else. Any caregiver would almost kill for adult conversation, so let's have it. And if a mom brings up potty training - be supportive, be encouraging & save the pitied head tilts for some other situation that surely is more deserving than a kid who is surely amazing on so many levels.
And to Me - Perspective, Sister! What the heck were you so worried about? Really?! So nobody listened to you when you said it didn't really bother you that Cal wasn't ready to poop on the potty. Or they didn't believe you. Nothing new. Can't change others, but you can lead by example.
So I vow to continue to share my motherhood reality. No sugar-coating, no excuses, just LOVE & support.
Momma Motivator - Potty train Cal. Check.
Blog every single day - OH good Lord. Here comes a failure.
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