*Three was Great!*

Tonight when Cal was snuggled in for bedtime I gave him the millionth kiss of the day & told him "Three was great!". It sure was. Thank you, Mr. Calvin Jack for a wonderful year. I'm thinking I will hardly sleep tonight.

Four is a magic number for us. While it seems that there are statistics for every single thing in the world, 4 years old is a statistical milestone for this kid. His identical twin had Infant Leukemia. That alone just has to blow your mind. I don't really think that there is an explanation. But there are statistics out there for identical twins - one with a cancer diagnosis & one without. Our statistical odds (although, really, with our history - statistics shmatistics) with this little bugger will fall in about 24.5 hours. OK. I will continue to worry the same amount. It's a milestone, all the same.

Calvin almost had a different birthday than his brother, Nolan. I was in labor with the twins, the nurses came in to take me to the OR to deliver them & I asked them to just wait a few more minutes so I could watch Michael Phelps win his 8th gold medal of the 2008 games. They did, he won the gold & what seemed like minutes (ok it WAS minutes) later, Nolan arrived. 9 excruciatingly intense minutes later, Baby B. Just in time to share a birthday with his "big" brother.

Three was great. I am looking forward to 4. As if on cue, Cal was counting today - "1, 2, 3, 4". We baked blue cookies & ate too much dough before bedtime. He got birthday cards in the mail. A big, fat cat card & a Spiderman card. Awesome. He's going to love 4. I just know it!

While Cal sleeps & wakes up to his big day (I was told "please not" when I sang Happy Birthday to him tonight) tomorrow...I'll stay up & worry. I'll stay up & spend some time wondering & daydreaming about what life may have been with 3 kids all together & well. Wonder what level of crazy I would have achieved with 4 years of identical twin boys. I can do that. I get some of that time. I'll still miss Nolan tomorrow. When he wakes - just like each day - we'll celebrate Calvin.

For some reason, each of the past 3 years on this day - I think of this birthday greeting - This would have been a great tradition - one that they would have hated more with each year. --- I wonder if Hallmark will pick it up? Gotta smile a little through the tears.

Happy Birthday my sweet boys. I love you very much.
Could have done without the stretch marks.
Love you, Miss you, Hug you, Kiss you!

-yo momma